Dear Congress: LEAVE MY SPORTS ALONE!

I'm not sure, but I think I actually turned green and most of my clothes tore off. One can never really be sure of something like that unless there's some kind of residual evidence. Nonetheless, for a while there, I could hardly contain my anger.

In case you haven't heard, according to the Associated Press, Texas Congressman Joe Barton called the Bowl Championship Series "deeply flawed" and suggested Congress step in for a "comprehensive review" of the BCS and postseason college football.

I am going to try, really, really going to try to be professional about this.

Hey! Nitwit! GOVERNMENT'S JOB IS TO PROVIDE NECESSARY SERVICES TO ITS CONSTITUENCY!

So reads the Preamble to the Constitution of the United States: "We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America."

No where, there or in the Articles that follow, does it say that Congress should regulate the populations' pastimes.

This really kills me. I'm driving home earlier this evening and I'm listening to another nitwit -- JT -- on WEEI (There's a blog for another day), and JT says, "I have to give them credit. The BCS has it right this year."

Talk about two extremes.

First, we have a nitwit Congressmen sticking government's nose where it doesn't belong, as if there's nothing else Congress needs to address. And then we have nitwit number two praising said nose target.

First, JT. Ya, they got it right. There's two undefeated teams in the country, and the BCS has them ranked No. 1 and No. 2. Brilliant. I could get a semi-trained drooling chimp to pull that off. (Uh-oh, here comes PETA! Arrgh! I've never used so many exclamation points in my life!)

Now, Congressman Barton. Fella, don't you have something more important to discuss? Like maybe oil prices? Or battlefields? Or creating jobs? Or maybe redesigning the nation's transportation system? Alternate sources of energy? The alarming decline of dairy farms?

Ya, I know you're on some ridiculous House Energy and Commerce subcommittee that -- for some inane reason -- is tasked with regulating America's sports industry. That in itself is a big problem. Look, you guys have blown it with the steroids, and baseball handed you all your butts when you tried to break the Major League Baseball players' union. It's obvious you can't handle this industry, and IT DOESN'T NEED TO BE GOVERNMENT REGULATED! Too late! You blew it! Go away!

"College football is not just an exhilarating sport, but a billion-dollar business that Congress cannot ignore," Barton said.

Why not? Of course it can! You guys ignore enough legitimate problems.

Look, what I think should be done about deciding a college football champion is irrelevant. If you want my opinion, someone can ask, and I'll write about it. But I, a right-leaning conservative, ex-Marine, supporter of government in most cases, am not going to sit here quietly when said government tries to stick its fingers into pies that aren't even on its own dinner table.

Congress has absolutely no business legislating and regulating our recreation. We don't want you telling us how to play our games, how to decide who wins, where teams can build stadia, whether a pitch six inches off the edge of the plate is a strike. If we let Congress interfere in this, they'll be outlawing the designated hitter, regulating the size of goalie equipment, watching Tiger Woods take a drop, reviewing plays outside the last two minutes of the half.

We the people can take care of this ourselves.

We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect sports nation, state one last time, so even you elected members of Congress can understand: LEAVE OUR SPORTS ALONE!